'Twas the night before Hanukkah
and all over the place,
There was toomel, there was kvetching;
Azoy a disgrace!

And me in the Easyboy,
so stuffed with latkes,
I stretched the elastic
that held up my gatkes.

When up on the roof
(and it has a steep pitch),
a groyser alter kakher
was making a kvetsch.

I jumped up real quick
and I ran to the door,
Was it a bondit,
or only a schnorrer?

He wasn't alone;
he had eight ferdelach,
And called them by name
as he gave a gebrach:

"On Moishe, on Yankel, on Itzik, on Sam,
On Mendel, on Shmendrik, on Feivish, on Ham;
My kidneys are geshrey'ing;
do you give a damn?"

He had a white beard
and payyes to boot,
And to keep out the cold,
he had such a nice suit!

A second from Peerless,
I could tell at a glance,
But the cut was okay,
and so were the pants.

He was triple XL,
a real groyser goof,
So I yelled out,
"Meshuggener! Get off from mein roof!"

He jumped down and said
as he shook hands with me,
"Max Klaus is the name;
You have maybe some tea?"

So I gave him a gleisel,
while he shook his white mop,
Mutt'ring, "Always the same thing,
They're dreying mein kopp!

“From Boston to Kiev,
Beijing to Quebec,
Every shmo in the world
hocks meir a tchinik!

“They're screaming for presents,
and challah with schmaltz,
And from Brooklyn alone,
the back pain: gevalt!"

So we sat and yenteh'ed,
and spun the old dreydels
(He took all of my money,
and one of my knaydels).

He said, "Business? Nisht geferlech,
but bupkis I make,
I'm getting too old
for this Hanukkah fake;

“And the cell phones, you see—
how my pacemaker dings?
For two cents I'd quit,
and move to Palm Springs!"

And he gave a geshrey
as he fled mit a lacht,
"Gut yontiff to all,
Vey iz mir, such a nacht!"

–Author Unknown