Shavuot Humor

It's a Bargain!

There is a well known Midrash about how God offered the Law to a number of nations, which all refused it, before He offered it to the Jews. What isn't known very well is the inside story.

God first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a commandment.

"What's a commandment?" they asked.

"Well, one of them goes, 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,'" replied God.

The Egyptians thought about it and then said, "No way, that would ruin our weekends."

So then God went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment.

They also asked, "What's a commandment?"

"Well," said God, "one says, 'Thou shalt not steal.'"

The Assyrians immediately replied, "No way. That would ruin our economy."

So finally God went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment.

They asked, "How much?"

God said, "They're free."

The Jews said, "Great! We'll take ten."

The Ten Commandments Sermon

Abe and Sadie made a rare appearance in synagogue. It’s probably true to say that they are not the most religious of Jews. In fact, they only go to shul two or three times every year—and this Shavuot happened to be one of those days. At the end of the service, Abe shook Rabbi Rosen’s hand.

"Sadie and I both thoroughly enjoyed your service today, Rabbi, especially your sermon on keeping the commandments."

Rabbi Rosen replied, "It’s nice of you to say so, Abe; so why don’t you and Sadie come here more often?"

"It’s difficult," he replied, "but at least we keep the Ten Commandments."

"That's really good to hear," said Rabbi Rosen.

"Yes," said Abe proudly, "Sadie keeps 6 of them and I keep the other 4."

The Ten Commandments Redux

With Shavuot arriving soon, the Hebrew school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the fifth commandment, '"Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

Ancestry

A story is told about Rabbi Stephen S. Wise that while attending a public dinner, he was seated next to a prominent woman. Apparently attempting to impress the rabbi, the woman mentioned that one of her ancestors was present at the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

Rabbi Wise was said to have quickly responded, "My ancestors witnessed the giving of the Ten Commandments."

That's it. Hey, Shavuot really doesn't lend itself to a lot of humor, I guess.